How to Teach Your Kids to Ride a Bike (hint: Get Help)

Oh, we've tried to teach our kids to ride their bikes, believe me!  But considering I don't really know how to ride one - remember when I launched this blog declaring I would "learn how to ride a bike (without looking like a spaz)?"  Let's just call that a "work in progress."  And let's just say the kids' dad (an excellent cyclist) has a somewhat "low threshold" for whining.  So us teaching them has been a bust. 

Well, Bike New York to the rescue!  Bike New York, the organization that runs the 5-boro Bike Tour across New York City, also runs free Learn to Ride classes for kids and adults in city parks.  For all of us New Yorkers who grew up with nowhere to ride, there are now beautiful bike paths all over the Big Apple.  I took a class for adults in the Bronx and am saving (or burning) those pictures and writing up the stories (painful for me, hilarious for you, lucky readers!) for the book. 

But back to the kids.  11-year-old G was not looking forward to the lesson.  At all.  I believe "Another thing you're dragging me to!" were her actual words.  6 year old R obsessed "I might fall.  I'm going to fall.  I'm not going to like it if I fall."

Their teacher, Dan Suraci, hereafter referred to as "Dan Suraci, god bless him" was the most reassuring, tireless, able-bodied, and enthusiastic bike coach anyone could ask for.  I was exhausted just looking at him, running after and cajoling my kids for 3 hours while I sat on a bench in the shade, cheering and dispensing well-timed snacks.

The technique was straightforward.  First the pedals came off, so they could get the feeling of balancing and coasting on the bike.  Then they practiced pedaling while holding themselves steady while looking in the distance, which resulted, not surprisingly, more than once, in falling.  But then, much to my surprise, they worked through the betrayal ("Hey!  That hurt!  I thought this was supposed to be fun!) and got back on.

Why would my kids be willing to do something so painful again?  The key, I think was in Dan's tone of voice.  The voice that could say "Don't look down, eyes on me" a hundred times in a row without a hint of impatience.  He shared his passion with them.  They couldn't resist!

Don't get me wrong, in general, my husband and I love teaching our kids.  We felt a bit embarrassed calling   in professionals.  But we're old.  Our backs hurt.  We would have lasted 20 minutes out there.

In a class, they got to see a whole group of kids learning, falling, facing their fears and not giving up.  By the end of the morning they both got a taste of balancing on their two wheelers.  They are looking forward to practicing more and getting out on some trails with us (as soon as Mom can learn how to do it without looking like a spaz).

Thank you, Bike NY!

10 Years. Wow.

Coaster by G, age 11

Tonight, while tucking in to a grilled-by-Dad dinner in the backyard (6 yo R:  "This is the best steak ever.  And I've had a lot of food in my life."), 11 yo G asked me 'How many Mother's Days have you had?").

I had to think a moment, and then realized it's 10.  I've had ten Mother's Days.  There were 10 years before of being married without children, so many of those spent waiting and wanting, so many Mother's Days spent at church breathing in the scent of the flowers being passed out to the mothers in the congregation, and almost passing out with longing.  Wondering when god-time would become my-time, questioning whether it ever really would.

And then, on a cold day in northern China in 2002, G, bundled in sweaters and padded jacket and pants, so warm she was sweaty on the top of her head, came into my arms, making me a mother at last.  Five years later, R, flushed and equally well-padded, completed the circle.  I don't know how it's possible that ten years have passed, although I do know I have inhaled all the hugs, kisses, joy, responsibilities, frustrations, and blessings of motherhood in great hungry gulps.

Every Mother's Day, I think about those who want (adults and children alike) and pray for god-time to come at just the right time, and hopefully soon.

A tribute by 6 yo R:  "My mom likes to BLOG"
Truer words were never spoken!

Listen to Your Mother Show - Backstage, Onstage, the World's a Stage!

"How did it go??" everyone wants to know.  The first Listen to Your Mother Show to hit NYC is over, and I'm feeling its impact on every level, from my sore feet to my full heart to my blown mind.  I CAN'T WAIT for the videos to be posted to YouTube this summer, at which point I will offer you a link to experience the event yourself in all its hilarious, poignant, life-affirming glory.  In the meantime, a few pictures from behind-the-scenes to share the excitement of the day:

We took over the JCC on the Upper West Side of Manhattan; the sold out house filled up to the rafters.  

photo:  Holly Rosen Fink

Once we realized the buzz coming through the speakers in the dressing room was the live audience filling the hall, the nerves really kicked in - cast members rushed the bathroom, rummaged through purses for mints, sent last minute Tweets, checked texts one more time to make sure their babies were doing fine without them, and started taking iPhone pictures of everyone taking iPhone pictures: 

With Una LaMarche, of the New York Observer and The Sassy Curmudgeon

Emcee Rene Syler, @Goodenufmother, tweet diva!

Alysia Reiner, actress, model, mom - her little girl danced backstage dressed as a ladybug

With Estelle Sobel Erasmus

Estelle Erasmus and I took some deep breaths and meditated a moment, director Amy Wilson passed out gifts with the most important word of the day inscribed on them, we all held hands and wished the absolute best for each other, and then...

Showtime!

photo:  Holly Rosen Fink

I told the story of The Cookie Jar, a story I have been burning to tell for 6 years.  Here, with all these people listening, I shared one of the deepest moments I have had with my daughter.  At one point, the lights started flickering, as if taken over by a poltergeist.  Either that, or I was about to pass out.  In my high heeled pumps that started feeling teeteringly high, I thought I might falter as well.  But the story, with its joy and pain and a life of its own, carried me through.

When I sat down, the best part began.  You see, in my eagerness to TAKE THE MIC!  SPEAK MY MIND!  SAY MY PIECE!  I forgot the most important, most gratifying thing, the word engraved on the necklace Amy and the production team gifted us with:

 

Listen.

I listened to 14 beautiful, heartfelt stories from people I didn't know just months ago.  So brave, each and every one, stepping up to share, touching a room full of strangers who now know something essential about them, something deep and real.  None of us will be the same.

I was particularly thrilled to see my agent and editor after the show:

With Brettne Bloom of Kneerim & Williams, and Becky Saletan of Riverhead Books

And my parents.  Although they're so adorable no one will believe me now when I call them Tiger Parents.

With Ba and Ma

Here we all are, bright and beautiful.  Wait til you hear what we have to say. You'll want to run out and write your own story and be here next year.  And I hope you will.  We'll all be in the front row, cheering.

photo:  Jennifer Lee

I'm Good Enough!

I get the heebie jeebies when asked to share my "expertise" on parenting, or living a balanced, happier life.  As a marketing pro I'm paid for my public relations know-how.  As a yoga teacher I can certainly tell you how to do downward dog.  But parenting?  Life lessons?  My daughters regularly render me speechless and I can't find my shoes.  I'm no expert in life!

But when Rene Syler, author of Good Enough Mother: Imperfection is the New Black, asked the Listen to Your Mother cast for "Life Lessons" to post on her website, Good Enough Mother, I thought:  "This, I can do."

The entire mission of Good Enough Mother is one that makes me want to sing Hallelujah, Praise the Lord:  "It is about doing your best and understanding your best will have to do!"

Rene, the fabulous former co-anchor of CBS "The Early Show," reinvented herself as a writer and speaker when she started GEM.  "Rene was fed up watching women self-flagellate over the most innocuous of mistakes, running themselves ragged trying to keep up with society’s perception of what makes a good mother.  With GEM, Rene, AKA, the head GEM, wants women to understand how to separate what they should really worry about from what should wash off in the shower," her bio declares.

I'm honored and thrilled to be featured in GEM's "Life Lessons" today.  Here are my thoughts on what I would tell the 16 year old me, the lessons I hope I'm imparting to my kids, my secrets to happiness, biggest regrets, and the 10 words my friends and family say best describe me. 

Take a look here, enjoy GEM's information-packed website, and then tell me:  What would you tell the 16 year old you?  What are your secrets to happiness?  What words describe you?

Rene Syler:  Fierce, Fabulous, and Good Enough!

The Good in the Middle of Sadness and Loss

Facebook and email usually collapse time in joyful ways - people I haven't heard from since college now have 4 kids or made their professional dreams come true. It is a way to drop back in touch as if no time elapsed, to support each other's happenings and causes we care about, to feel connected again.

Today, I received the saddest news in my email inbox, along with a powerful call to action.  Jessica Gerber, a friend from almost 20 years ago, in the time we've been out of touch has had kids and lost her young son, Teddy, to cancer in 2010.  It is, even as I type about it, breaking my heart to know. 

But along with the news was a powerful, and simple call to action - she is asking people to vote for Teddy's 3rd grade teacher, Kristin Golia, for "Live with Kelly"'s "Top Teacher Search" award. In the midst of a devastating diagnosis and intensive treatments, Kristin tutored Teddy at home, visited him in the hospital, kept him in touch with the class via email and videos, and allowed him to be a 3rd grader.  An excerpt from Jessica's letter about Kristin: 

Later that summer, when Teddy was able to come home for a few days, Kristin visited him twice.  The second time she brought along a baby anaconda – I don’t know how she managed to convince the pet store owner to loan it out for a little while, but she did.  Teddy was holding it, when all of a sudden it decided to relieve itself on his hands.  Now at this point, Teddy was feeling awful – he hadn’t eaten sold food in months, was in constant pain, and was so sad to not be able to do anything but sit on the sofa all day.  But when that snake peed on him, Teddy laughed…hard, and I think there really was a small period of time where he forgot about everything but that silly moment.  The next day, Teddy got a fever and had to go back to Yale, where he died the following weekend.

If you read that and feel an irrepressible urge to do something, here's what you can do: 

Click on the link and vote for Kristin Golia (once a day between now and Monday, April 30 at 3pm EST): 

http://dadt.com/live/contest/topteachersearch/12/vote/ In an email, Jessica wrote to me: "Throughout the course of Teddy's illness, and since his death, I have always been so appreciative of the many ways that people in our lives, past and present, have helped us through their support and good wishes. Honoring Kristin is another way of finding the good in the middle of sadness and loss."

This is the good part of the internet collapsing time and space. We can all click and vote for the good. 

  

And now a word from...

When I did media relations and community affairs at The New York Times, part of my job was to attend events the paper sponsored in the five boroughs.  The local cultural, and/or non profit organizations hosting events like the Dragon Boat Festival in Queens graciously gave me a minute to say something at the microphone about The Times's mission.  That was usually the minute the crowd dispersed to get snacks - and who can blame them?  I'm just as likely to fast forward commercials or switch channels during a pledge drive.  And there was fried food on sticks to be had!

But where would we be without sponsors?  I knew how important sponsorship was to the Listen to Your Mother Show (the rockin' reading series I landed a spot in).  I worried that in these tough budgetary times it would be hard for our producers to shake support out of the trees. LTYM is new to NYC - who would take a chance on us?

The answer, is an amazing list of companies, organizations, local businesses, and enterprises large and small (some of them 1-mom small!).  Our energetic production team has brought aboard Fresh Direct (which has saved many a mom's sanity, including mine), the Museum of Motherhood, and if you live on the Upper West Side, check out these neighborhood gems - when you do, you know you're patronizing a store or product that supports Listen to Your Mother NYC.

Click here for a complete list and discover great businesses you'll feel good shopping at - if you have a good experience, share the news!  And then go eat as much fried food as you want.

See you May 6!

Gasp! Our Little Girl Loves...Bad Buzz!

We have 2 Buzz Lightyear dolls. Today, 11-year-old G gave one to 6-year-old R, teasing her younger sister with:


"Ha ha, you have Bad Buzz! I have Good Buzz!" 


R, quick with a retort:  "Well, that's FINE because I LOVE Bad Buzz."


G: "No you don't.  Bad Buzz is the bad guy."


R's reply?  Get this:  


 "Bad Buzz started off bad, but then he becomes good in the end. I love him because he's had ADVENTURES.  Good Buzz has only lived HALF A LIFE."


G and I are still gaping.


Six-year-old R is one passionate kid.  Her kindergarten playground crew dubbed themselves the "Ninja Werewolf Dogs" and their mission is to chase the "Crying Princesses."   Parents of several neighborhood boys say she's "the only girl my son wants to play with."  She is brash, swashbuckling, and dramatic.  In these respects, she could not be more different from me (well, except for the dramatic part).  


So while the mom in me quakes at the thought of what her teen years will bring, the good girl in me can't help but cheer:   Yes!  Live a WHOLE life, R!  Live a whole, brash, adventurous life!  


(Preferably once you've turned 21).