Separation Anxiety (Mine)

"When are we going to tell the kids?" DH (dear husband) asked.  Tell the kids that they're going with Daddy to visit Grandma while Mom goes on a trip without them?  Are you kidding me? What's the rush?

I've never done this before, gone for 6 days without them. 

When each girl was new to me, in my arms at last, I never wanted to be apart.  The promises made and the miles traveled for their adoptions were so fresh, so much lost time to make up for.  Finally a family, finally a home - why separate, at all?

As they grew, the needs became more, not less.  Neither G nor R could sleep through the night, so many worries, so many fears.  Every day, each transition, each new situation needed to be prepared for, managed, and reviewed.  For R, multiple food allergies meant constant vigilence.  For G, the lack of impulse control associated with ADHD and TS meant I was her frontal lobe, anticipating and diffusing triggers, coaching her interactions with the outside world.  "You make me safe," she would say, over and over.  How could I leave?

Of course I did leave them at times with relatives - a day here, two there - and they were always fine.  Armed with my memos full of schedules, behavior plans, "If...Then" statements covering every scenario, grandparents, aunts and uncles always figured it out.

But 6 days!  There aren't enough "If...Then" statements in the world to cover everything that could happen in 6 days!  This time, I have to surrender.  To trust that everyone is going to do fine without me.  That DH and Grandma may enjoy stepping up, that the kids may learn and grow and speak for themselves, in a way they can't if I'm there.

Still, I dread telling them the news.

When I do, G and R are thrilled about going to Grandma's, and getting to fly on TWO planes.  Then, the realization sets in.

"Wait.  You mean you're not coming with us?"  G asks.

I cringe. "Right."

G thinks.  "So we're allowed to buy a souvenir, right?"

"Sure." 

"And are YOU going to bring us souvenirs from your trip?"

"Yes, of course."

"OK.  Cool!"

Suddenly, 9 year-old G grows up before my eyes.

And I am now free to pack.

P.S.  How did the trip go?  Come with me!  My Trip of A Lifetime starts here:  http://upside-down-patty.blogspot.com/2010/11/ticket-to-ride.html