Home, Sweet Home

Boogie and Lila, Home at Last

I'm home!  I drop my luggage and R (age 4) comes running, giggling, jumping into my arms and for a moment it's as if she loses control of her body, kicking for joy.  She is all legs, long arms, did she grow in a week?  I look at her smiling face and cover it with kisses and think, yes, she did.

G (age 9), upstairs:  "Mommy's home!  Hold on, let me get my stuff!"  And here she comes, a stampede of action and words:  "Look at what we got, souvenirs, stuffed animals, this one is a Totoro, aren't they cute?  Did you get us anything?  We had fun, we went to museums, it hailed on us!  I didn't like that.  Our raincoats arrived. Grandpa George touched a cactus. Did you get us anything?" 

DH (Dear Husband) comes, looking none the worse for wear after a week spent traveling with the kids:  "Hold on, let's say hi to mommy, let her breathe!"

"Oh hi, Mommy, we missed you."  G's face softens.  For a moment, she looks younger.  I give her a hug and struggle to take it all in.

I had felt so worried about leaving the kids (http://upside-down-patty.blogspot.com/2010/10/separation-anxiety-mine.html).  And then guilty over taking a Trip of a Lifetime without them (http://upside-down-patty.blogspot.com/2010/11/ticket-to-ride.html). 

And what were they doing while I was away? They were having their own adventures!

I had felt scared about leaving my jobs behind.  For 8 years mothering and teaching dominated my life.  What would be left of me if I didn't have either to do?  The answer, discovered over the course of a week in Costa Rica with strangers:

I am still me.  I am, at heart, a happy person with a lot of love to give. Away from all the worrying, planning and doing, it is possible to feel it all more keenly, to laugh a lot more freely.  But how I feel is familiar and reassuring.  One day my children, my students, may not need me.  I will still be me.

Away from routines I discover how good it feels to try new things, to be receptive to strangers, to see how much potential there is to grow no matter how young or old we may be.  Out of my element, I see that when I take some risks (http://upside-down-patty.blogspot.com/2010/11/with-paddle.html), I am capable of more than I think a lot of the time.

And what were my kids doing away from me?  Discovering all the same things.

"Mom!  Mom, did you bring us anything?"  G brings me out of my reverie.

"Oh!  Yes, of course!  Let me tell you about these turtles..." and with great buildup and suspense, I tell them about tiny Lila, how we saw her take her first steps into the great big ocean (http://upside-down-patty.blogspot.com/2010/11/oh-places-youll-go.html), and they are charmed by the stuffed sea turtles I brought for them.

Last spring, when Michael S. Kaye, president of Costa Rica Expeditions, first asked me to join the Trip of a Lifetime, I balked.  My children have special needs.  I've never been away from them for that long. 

Michael wrote back, "You cannot come back, if you never leave."

The girls are happily playing with their turtles.  When they ask, "Mom, what's for dinner?" DH, a hero in every way, says "Let's go out for dinner!"

It was good to leave.  It is great to come back.

Happy Thanksgiving to all!

P.S.  Just tuning in?  The Trip of a Lifetime starts here:  http://upside-down-patty.blogspot.com/2010/11/ticket-to-ride.html

P.P.S.  Don't want it to end?  Then keep reading - life at home is no less colorful!  December posts here:  http://upside-down-patty.blogspot.com/2010_12_01_archive.html, or jump in on the homepage.  So glad to have you along for the ride!