"The Bookstore of My Dreams" - How Roxanne Coady left her career, started RJ Julia Booksellers, and made her own dreams come true

"Do your parents own a laundry or a grocery store?" I got that a lot from non-Asian kids, growing up in the Bronx. If I was feeling sensitive about the stereotype I'd retort "I'm Chinese. We own restaurants. Koreans own grocery stores. Don't you know anything?"  Actually, we weren't business-owning Chinese immigrants at all. We were scholarship-seeking Chinese immigrants, hoping for job security, health benefits, and a clear ladder to climb til retirement.

 Perhaps that's why I am particularly awed by stories of entrepreneurial enterprises, undertaken by women who could have stayed on a secure career path. When I see a bookstore, I could imagine working my way up from clerk to president, but I could never imagine creating a bookstore out of an abandoned pub. The way Roxanne Coady, at age 39, created the signature independent bookstore, R.J. Julia Booksellers, in Madison, CT.  And now, 20 years later, she’s still innovating, having recently launched the new online gift service Just The Right Book.

Her story blows me away! It makes me look at empty buildings with fresh eyes, at the next phase of my life with a new sense of possibility.  Read and share, and let us know – if you could start something new, what would it be?  What help would you need to get started?

Facing Forty and Embracing Risk, by Roxanne Coady

There are a lot of stories out there about people reinventing themselves, stepping out into the unknown, risking everything for their dream. My hope is that in sharing my story, it might inspire you to sit down and start mapping out that big change you know you've wanted to make for a long time. Because despite the hard work and intense competition and (let's face it) more modest financial compensation of my dream job, I have never for a second regretted making the changes I made.

By the time I was 39, I had a lot of the things many people view as proof of success. I was a partner and the first female national tax director at the accounting firm of BDO Seidman in New York. I was happily married. I had been living for the last twenty years this exciting, fact-paced, big-city life with all of the perks and luxuries that come with it. But despite all of that, I felt a longing to try something else. And I knew that that something else would involve books. I'd always turned to books to keep me anchored, awake and alert to the world around me when everything else seemed to be spinning at top speed.

When a beautiful old abandoned pub came up for sale in Madison, CT, near our weekend house in Branford, I knew it was a moment to leap. It was the home for the bookstore of my dreams. We moved full time to Connecticut, bought the old building and poured our energy and time into renovations and into restructuring our lives in major ways.

Was it scary? Did our friends and family doubt us? Did we doubt ourselves? Sure. I'm a pretty sturdy person, but I'm not immune to fear. I think when something is truly important to you, you can sacrifice a lot of stability and the fear takes a back seat. You can kind of run on the confidence you feel about that thing you've chosen to pursue. That's how I felt about books. And it's why - even though there are four articles a day predicting the demise of publishing - I've become even more bold over time about my work. We've grown so much since those early days and we're still growing and staying ahead of the curve - and I'm buoyed by the knowledge that the main point of my work is not to make tons of money....it's to keep people reading. I know how important books have always been to me. I know how important they are to my customers. I know how much we're all craving ways to connect and share and find things that really matter. Books help us do all that.

So facing forty for me meant really identifying what mattered most and committing to it, despite the risks involved. When I look back on having done this, I realize that the good parts are even better than I thought they'd be, the bad parts are even worse, but that on balance, most days, I'm focused on the good. And what's especially exciting is that we aren't limited to experiencing the thrill of change and adventure like that only once in our lives. Once you make one big change, you tend to want to try more new things. At sixty, I'm proud to say I've launched a successful start-up called Just the Right Book! an online literary subscription service (including fun and free, seasonal FictionFinder quizzes) that showcases the talent of our pool of incredible booksellers - these people are experts at matching readers with books they'll love, and now readers across the country can benefit. It's a thrill to be able to meet that need.

So what am I urging you to do? A few things. First, trust yourself. Don't let what seem like obvious obstacles (I'm too old, I don't have the money, etc) discourage you. You have to start by assuming that your dream is within reach. Next, articulate what it is you want - get it down on paper. That will help to focus and motivate you. And finally, take that first step. Action leads to more action. And the more you’re moving forward, the more confidence you’ll gain. Naysayers, tight budget, uncertainty about the future? Trust me: you’ll encounter all of this at some point no matter what you do, but it’s a heck of a lot easier to face those fears when you’re doing what you love.

P.S. If you want a distraction from the fabulous whirlwind you’re about to throw yourself into, read a book or two. And if you need help finding the right one, now you know where to go.


Roxanne Coady is founder of R.J. Julia Booksellers as well as the critically-acclaimed Just the Right Book! gift service. I set up a subscription for my husband, answering a questionnaire about his interests, and he cannot wait to see what they select for him!  Try their Fall FictionFinder quiz for free and discover your next favorite book.

5 Parenting Rules Moms Should Break - Circle of Moms

"One day when you're a mother, you'll get to make the rules."  Oh how I longed for that day! 

I was not a rule breaker growing up.  In my Chinese American family, rules were very important. Without being the best rule follower, how else could you become the teacher's pet? 

Now that I'm a mother, I am the greatest rule inventor in the world.  "You can have 2 juices diluted with water a day."  "Gummy vitamins come AFTER pjs and medicine, no more discussion!"  And recently, "If you break this rule you will have NOTHING YOU WANT FOR THE REST OF THE DAY."  I hope that doesn't sound as desperate as I was in actuality.

So, when Circle of Moms asked me for a parenting rule that moms should break, I had to think for a moment.  What territory could I cede, without the lunatics taking over the asylum?  And then I remembered, that when my children ask for something spontaneous, and I let go of my plans for an evening, unexpected joy can result. 

Check out my contribution, and the wisdom of four other Top 25 Funny Moms, here.

Thoughts on the 'Asian F,' and "Battle Hymn of the Yoga Mother," My Audrey Magazine Story, now available online

On a recent episode of Glee, the high school gleek Mike Chang (played by the breathtaking dancer Harry Shum, Jr.)  disappointed his Tiger Father by getting an A- (an "Asian F") on a test but then reignited his mother's love of dance by admitting where his passion lies. 

It echoed my experiences growing up, the external pressure to succeed academically and the internal pressure to sing, dance and be free.  Minus Harry Shum, Jr's talent!

In parenting my own special needs kids, I needed something different than what I was raised with.  My story, published in Audrey Magazine, is now available online:  "Battle Hymn of the Yoga Mother"

What kind of pressures and expectations did you grow up with?  What do you think of them now?

The Failure Club

Yesterday my 10 year old asked me "What do you want to be when you grow up?" and I projectiled back in time to when I was 10 and I told my mother I wanted to be a Broadway star.  Andrea McArdle had done it in Annie and I wanted to, too.  My mother said "Forget it, you're a little Chinese girl, no one will give you parts, your heart will be broken."

I wrote a letter to Playbill, asking if that was true, and they wrote back something to the effect of: "whether you're Oriental or Occidental, the life of an actor is hard."  There went that dream, and countless other "unrealistic" goals in years to come.

I never thought that in my 40s I would finally speak back to that loving but fierce Tiger Mom, and say "I'm doing it, I'm pursuing my dream of becoming a writer.  Yes, it's competitive, yes I may fail.  But I'm doing it anyway."  For the first time, I don't need to act like anyone but myself.

I am thrilled to see that Morgan Spurlock (Super Size Me) is developing a documentary-style program for Yahoo! called "The Failure Club."  He is casting 7 brave souls who are ready to face their fear of failure in order to achieve their life's dream.  I did think, briefly, of applying.  But I think I'm too old to play Annie.  I'm happy to write about those who do, though!

So, fear not, Facing Forty Upside Down family - Turn on your cameras, tell your story.  Say what you really want to be. 

Deadline's tomorrow, Oct 7 - Apply here:

http://www.warriorpoetscasting.com/apply.html

We can't wait to see who gets in!

MacBook Airs in Heaven - RIP, Steve Jobs

Not long ago, I bought my first Mac, fighting my way through the young and frenzied crowd at the Apple store feeling more than a little late to the party.  I sat with a patient and kind young techie for my 1-1 tutorial to get to know my MacBook Air and tried hard not to look completely prehistoric.  I'm a creature of habit, it's true, suspicious of anything shiny and new. 

Across from me at the table sat an elderly man asking his assigned Genius how to scan blueprints in a way he could read them easily on his laptop. 

I smiled and told him I was facing my fear of technology and that he was inspiring me.  "Do you mind if I ask how old you are?" I asked.
"Almost 90," he replied with pride. "They tell me they use these things in heaven.  This is how I'm going to communicate with my family from there."

At the time, I thought how amazing Leo was, to be embracing the new with such delight.

Today, I'm marveling at how amazing Steve Jobs was, to have reached so many Leo's, to have connected them in so many ways to the rest of the world. 

I imagine Steve Jobs communicating with us one way or the other from heaven. Woudn't it be just like him, to have envisioned a way already?

Rest in peace.

26.2 miles? For these ladies, the hay is in the barn!

My friend Penny is training for the NYC Marathon on Nov. 6.  Penny is the mother of 4 and a pediatrician.  She used to work in the ER of a Bronx hospital.  She takes everything in stride.  So while the thought of walking 2.6 miles to me sounds exhausting, the thought of her cruising through what is described as a "26.2 mile block party" around NYC to raise money for a special ed school is as good as done.  She even looks the part:

Penny, marathoner-in-training

How surprising it was to hear from her: "I worry about finishing and have spent LOTS of time questioning myself. At the 18 mile run this past weekend, Mary Wittenberg, president of NYRoad Runners, said that if you finish this hilly course you CAN do the marathon. I finished the course. It felt so good. But still, a few short hours later I found myself asking my husband, "Why would she say that? It is EIGHT more miles! Why would she say I can finish?" (I actually said "I" as if she were talking specifically to me!)."

Well, Penny, I want you to meet Erica.  Erica ran her first marathon last spring.  How did it go?

Erica, finishing her first marathon
Look how happy she is!!!!

I asked Erica to share her story here because I found it so inspiring.  I don't even run (except when food is involved, or sample sales).  But I got such a lift from her message, and hope Penny and everyone training for the marathon right now will as well.

To support Penny in her fundraising for Standing Tall, a school for children with disabilities click here

And Erica's amazing story right here:

When my stepmother, Toby received a diagnosis of acute atypical myeloma, I was so sad but realized I could help by raising money for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society (LLS). I love to run and all my life had wanted to take on the challenge of a marathon. I knew that Team in Training, the arm of LLS that provides coaches and mentors for participants, was an excellent group - I had fund-raised and run the Fairfield Half Marathon the previous summer with them. When I trained for that event, I was running for all who were battling blood-cancer—this time, it was personal.

I started training in January. It was a crisp 4 degrees the Sunday morning our group met at the Wakeman Boys and Girls Club in Southport, CT. In the 4 months that followed, we increased our mileage, each Sunday taking the long group runs. Thomas Harding was our super coach—he could run and talk at any speed for any distance. The 10-mile run became the 12-mile, then the 13-mile, the 14-mile, and so on until a month before the race we did the longest, a 20-miler. If there were rough patches, they never occurred on the long runs. Coach Tom was always there to say just the right thing or crack another “Airplane” or “Caddy Shack” joke. I never felt like quitting—it was hard on my family to have me come home from work then leave for the long runs during the week, but with my husband Alec’s steady support and cooking, we made it through.

The day of the race I got up at 3:45 am. We took a bus to the starting area and fueled up. The gun went off at 7:30 after an American Idol semifinalist sang the National Anthem. The music never stopped, as for each of the 26 miles a band played along the course. The temperature was about 80 degrees, which worried me a little. I had never even done a training run in shorts because our Connecticut winter had been so long and hard. But everyone was friendly and the spectators cheered and clapped. I made my way from mile to mile, temporarily joining then leaving group after group of runners. I was sure to take it easy, at times running a full minute slower than my natural pace because the course was very hilly.

I felt great for the first half and after mile 13 it struck me that I would make it to the end, no matter how hot or tired I felt. I was elated and a little sad, knowing that in all my training I had worked so hard not knowing this, not realizing that just as I had done during the training I would do here. After the last training run before coming to Nashville, an experienced friend had told me, “Don’t you worry, the hay is in the barn,” meaning that the work had been done, I was ready to run the race. Even then I doubted this to be true. But now, running the marathon, I felt tears stinging my eyes because I realized that I had done work, that I would make it, that I had no reason to doubt myself.

I ran the rest of the race with a deeper focus after that, a little like I was watching myself run. The heat wasn’t so hot, the hills weren’t as steep. At mile 24, I felt out of gas, nauseous, but I kept running. I knew I could do 2 miles, and when I finally did cross the finish line 4 hours and 44 minutes after starting, I sprinted the final .2 of a mile to get there. Smiling.

I loved the experience, all of it. From making my fundraising goal to the training, to the finishing. It took a lot of time and energy and extra support from those close to me but even now I call on that knowledge daily, that cry to never doubt myself. I don’t know how else I would have learned that but I’m grateful that somehow in my lifetime I was able to.

Erica is currently training for the New York Half Marathon in March with Team in Training.  She knows she'll finish the course.